Maid of Win's Menu

IMPORTANT: none of this stuff in any way, shape or form, is real. If you try to order something in the comments, you will not receive it. I apologize for any...er, no. No, I don't apologize. Read.

This menu is just for reference purposes and perhaps a cheap laugh or two...or more, if you're both easily entertained and not turned off by walls of text. I might make an actual visual of the menu at some point, but this will do for now.



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Cakes: The cakes at Maid of Win are round. They are divided into a dozen slices each. The diameter of the original cake varies depending on flavor, so some flavors are smaller portions than others. All cakes are hand-made in this very cafe, but are frozen at one point or another to ensure both freshness and availability to the best of our ability.
12" cakes: basic vanilla or chocolate (choice of chocolate icing, vanilla icing, or cream cheese icing), banana (choice of chocolate icing, vanilla icing, or cream cheese icing)
10" cakes: mousse (choice of chocolate or strawberry), shortcake (choice of strawberry or banana)
8" cakes: cheesecake (choice of caramel, butterscotch, chocolate, strawberry, or raspberry drizzle)

Single Slice: Favorite of frugal folks or weight watchers. 150 yen.
True Triplets: If you like something, it's good to have extras. 3 slices of any one flavor of cake. 350 yen.
Trio Treat: Be versatile; pick any 3 flavors of cake and enjoy a slice of each one. 400 yen.
Delicious Dozen: Perfect for sharing or hording; an entire cake of any flavor! 1300 yen.

Cake Toppings/Sides: Customize your cake!
Sprinkles: Chocolate or rainbow; they're not THAT different, really. 10 yen to top one slice, 20 yen to top 3, or 50 yen to top a dozen.
Thrice Spice: Add a very slight bit of kick with this mixture of cinnamon, nutmeg, and brown sugar. 10 yen to top one slice, 20 yen to top 3, or 50 yen to top a dozen.
Chips: Like the ones in cookies, not the ones served with fish. Chocolate, peanut butter, or butterscotch. 20 yen to top one slice, 40 yen to top 3, or 100 yen to top a dozen.
Whipped cream: For reference, it goes on the cake, not on the maids. 30 yen to top one slice, 60 yen to top 3, or 150 yen to top a dozen.
Mini marshmallows: Put some sugar on your sugar so you can crash while you crash. They make great earplugs too. 20 yen to top one slice, 40 yen to top 3, or 100 yen to top a dozen.
Shortbread cookie crumbs: Nothing says, "I want something bourgeois, but this will have to do," like shortbread. Brag to your friends and tell strangers to bite you for no reason. 20 yen to top one slice, 40 yen to top 3, or 100 yen to top a dozen.
Scoop of ice cream: Watch out for the brain freeze. Chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry. 50 yen a scoop. Available as either a side for a cake, or a stand-alone treat. Cake Toppings may be added to ice cream; one scoop of ice cream counts as one slice of cake for Cake Topping prices.

Drinks: It's always best to have something to wash the cake down with so you don't sound like a goblin for the next hour or two.
Coffee, tea (too many flavors to list, ask one of our maids if you're curious as to the selection) or hot chocolate: 100 yen for a small, 125 yen for a medium, 150 yen for a large. Cream, milk, or sugar are complementary. Add a topping of whipped cream to any size for 25 yen, or a handful of mini marshmallows for 15 yen.
Milk: One size, 150 yen a glass. Make it chocolate or strawberry for 25 yen extra. Don't ask for skim; you're in a cake shop, you're not fooling anyone.
Milkshake: Chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry. One big size, 250 yen a glass. Add a topping of whipped cream for 25 yen.
Juice: Apple, orange, grape, peach, or fruit punch. One size, 120 yen a glass. Ice cubes are complementary.
Water: All the tap water you can down for free. You can even get ice in it! For free! Requests for to-go cups for tap water will be responded to via a swift slap to the face.

Maid Photos*: A sign of refinement. Any pictures that are taken may be used by Maid of Win for advertising purposes. All pictures are printed in full color with the best fit on standard 8 x 11 blank paper. A protective sleeve may be purchased to keep these treasures safe for just 100 yen.
Simple Shot: Want something to remember your favorite maid(s) by, or just something to post on your incredibly boring blog that no one reads? You can decide whether you yourself want to be in the shot or not. Keep your hands to yourself. 120 yen for one maid, 200 yen for two, or 250 yen for three.
Hand-fed Heaven: Get a shot of your favorite maid hand-feeding you cake of the flavor of your choice. 140 yen along with the purchase of any cake(s).
Two Straws, One Cup: A pic of you and your favorite maid sharing a drink in a classic way. Best not backwash. 140 yen along with the purchase of any drink (no, tap water does not count as a PURCHASE).
Laptop**: No, we do not sell computers. This is an image of your favorite maid sitting on your lap! Try to show some class and maintain your composure. 200 yen.
Healing Hug**: Nothing to cheer up a sad day like a picture of your favorite maid hugging you. Hugging back is allowed, but keep your hands above the hips please. 200 yen.
Pure Peck**: This is it...the ultimate photo without ruining our maids' innocence and getting you arrested. Your favorite maid kissing you on the cheek (one of the ones on your FACE). 230 yen.

*Photographs may only be taken by an employee of Maid of Win. Any attempts to take photographs yourself while on the premises is considered a crime and will be reported to the local law enforcement.
**Maids have the right to refuse these requests on a person-by-person basis, as they involve physical contact. Don't blame the maids or the cafe owner if you're ugly, smelly, creepy, or all of the above.
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For real, everything between the two sets of dash-lines is not available to you 3D folks.

Also, I don't follow Japan's economy (or any economy, really), so I pretty much just used a 1 yen = 1 Canadian cent conversion. Feel free to comment on anything else though, make suggestions for additions, etc.